June 17th, 2008

Dear Ask a Bitch,

~ I have been married for 6 years and am increasingly losing interest in sex with my wife. The problem is her offensive flatulence in bed. Not only does she find it amusing to pass gas when we're lying together, but she also likes to fluff the covers up to ensure that the smell permeates. I ask constantly that she have the respect to keep her gas under control when we're together. Each time, I am met with anger and pessimism. This might be a deal breaker. How do I get her to stop?

Thank you,
Green in the face.

Dear Green in the face,

~First off, is this for real? It’s not often we hear about women doing this sort of thing. If it is in fact true, you have every right to be upset. Dutch oven? Really? Is she five? This upsets us because women everywhere complain that their husband’s loose interest or they cheat or they don’t want to spend as much time together. Most of the time husbands can’t even give them a reason. You’ve been very clear about your feelings in this situation. Now it’s up to her to either respect those feelings or face the consequences. All we can tell you is, if this is a deal breaker then make it a deal breaker. If you aren’t sure you want to leave then maybe start sleeping on the couch or in a guest room if you have one. Show her you are serious. If she wants to save your marriage she’ll have to get that her behavior isn’t funny.

Smell ya later bitch,
L&V