May 27th, 2008

Dear Ask a Bitch,

~ My girlfriend has sub-par table manners. She chews aloud when were eating dinner and slurps her drink like a recovering junkie, how do I go about telling her to chew silently and sip softly? She's really hot and sensitive; I don't want to stifle her barn.

Dear Potential Barn Stifler,

~First of all, what does that even mean?
Second nothing bothers us more than grown ass adults who have no manners. Especially the ones who act like they don’t know they’re being gross. Give us a freakin break! Close your mouth when you chew, use a napkin, don’t talk with your mouth full, and don’t slurp your drink unless you’ve had a stroke and can’t use half your face! If your girl is as bad as you say she is, you must not let this continue. Nip it, and nip it now. Have dinner with her and either your mother or hers. Mothers cannot resist the chance to point out flaws. Or you could just have her read this column or you can suck it up and just tell her she’s disgusting. Tell her that big girls use their manners. She may be hot, but how long can you really stand watching her food being processed? Do what you gotta do, but get it done. We are on your side!

Love ya bitch,
L&V